Falling Apart Together
by camweasley
Summary: Lily Evans thinks the summer before her final year at Hogwarts is going to be miserable... until she gets a string of letters from her friends and starts to see one of them in a new light. A Jily multi-chap spanning 7th Year and beyond. Rated M for future chapters.
1. The Letters from Everyone

AN: Here's the first chapter! I'm hoping to update pretty regularly. (and obviously I own none of this). Reviews are better than cuddles from kittens xx

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Chapter 1

It was the loneliest summer she had ever endured. Between Petunia's steadfast determination not to speak to her, and her severe lack of anyone she might call a friend in Cokeworth, Lily Evans found herself whiling away the days in relative isolation.

Of course, there were times when she'd help her mum in the kitchen. She enjoyed cooking a great deal — it was the closest she came to potion-making in the muggle world. Unfortunately, Petunia had long since claimed domestic activities as her domain, so Lily didn't dare approach a stove or an oven when her sister was around.

Instead, she spent hours wandering the streets of her town, trying to reminisce but finding that she was mostly just too irritated by the thought that all of her friends were probably flying around the countryside and becoming regulars at the Leaky Cauldron, while she was staying in her childhood home with a sister who hated her and a mother who was mostly focused on planning said sister's wedding even though it was still several months out.

 _Twenty-nine days until I'm back on the Hogwarts Express,_ Lily thought to herself as she laid out on a grassy knoll a few minutes' walk away from her house.

It had been entirely her own idea to stay in Cokeworth for the summer. It was her last summer holiday and although she'd smile and nod every time her mum mentioned her living at home after Hogwarts, she knew that would never happen. Not when there was so much political unrest in the Wizarding world. Not when her entire life and all of her friends were there instead of here.

Despite the physical distance, Lily had managed to keep in near-constant contact with her best friends, Marlene Mckinnon and Alice Parker. According to their frequent letters, they were not quite galavanting around the countryside as often as Lily always imagined. Marlene was spending the summer babysitting her four younger siblings, Alice was staying with Frank and his mother. They met up with the boys in their year every so often for a drink or a pick-up game of Quidditch at Potter's estate. All par for the course.

One tiny blessing of the past year had been the fact that they had all somehow gotten much closer to the four boys Lily had once sworn to loathe. She had gone into her sixth year at Hogwarts expecting to never speak to Potter again after the unfortunate events of fifth year, but instead had done quite the opposite. Perhaps it was their now-mutual distaste for Severus or the fact that James had grown up quite a bit in a short amount of time or her realization that the four of them had a friendship that was eerily similar to hers with Marlene and Alice. Regardless of the cause, Lily found that she didn't hate any of them and it had led to a much more pleasant year than she had expected.

And that made the summer more lonely, too.

Lily had been invited every time they all met up, but she felt an immense wave of guilt every time she thought about leaving her small family during the only months for which she was ever around. Which was why Lily kept her letters short and free of any personal angst, resolving to tell them how the summer really went once she was comfortably in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express.

The sun was high in the sky, having transitioned from being pleasantly warm to unbearably hot. She'd be burnt redder than her hair if she stayed outside any longer, so she slowly pulled herself back up and began the short walk home, resolving to write yet another letter to her friends if her poor little owl, Athena, was up to it.

Lily could hear the commotion inside her house before she even opened the door.

 _Probably just Tuney and Mum having another row about napkin colors_ , she thought, bracing herself for the scene within.

Sure enough, Petunia was in full meltdown-mode when Lily walked into the living room. There she stood in the middle of the room, wearing an exorbitantly long veil and weeping over two floral arrangements sitting on the floor.

"They're just ideas I had, dear," her mum tried desperately to console the sobbing bride-to-be. "We can do whatever flowers you like."

"I said no yellow! It'll clash with the ivory accents on my dress!" Petunia cried.

Lily had to bite her tongue to keep from pointing out that ivory was hardly an accent color on a white dress. She made the wiser choice and sidestepped the entire display, creeping her way to her room as quietly as possible.

She shut the door, glad to drown out at least a little bit of the noise, and there on her crumpled orange bedspread was Athena sitting next to a small stack of letters and looking utterly exhausted.

Lily gave the little bird a treat and helped her back to her perch before grabbing the letters and flopping onto her bed.

The first in the stack was clearly Marlene's handwriting. She tore into it to read the letter inside, just mildly dreading the recounts of fun days she'd spent with her friends.

 _Lily, darling, light of my life,_ the letter read. _Have you told Petunia to piss off yet? Or better, have you threatened to turn her into a toad or shrink all her clothes? You don't have to actually do it of course, the threat should be enough to get her to treat you with some respect. If that doesn't work, do consider letting me send her a Howler. You can feign total innocence. Though I may be entirely off the mark here — I don't know enough of her personality since I've never met the cow (sorry for calling your sister a cow, but you know, she IS one). We all miss you very much and if you could just sneak out for even one night that'd be brill. Tom finally knows us all by name when we go in for a drink, which might not be something to be proud of._

 _Give Athena an extra treat from me — I told her to fly as fast as she could because there's some very time sensitive information in this letter… the Potters are putting on some big ball for everyone in our year before we go back to school! Apparently it's a tradition among the upper crust, a rather stuffy one if you ask Sirius, but I think it sounds fabulous. Dress robes, plenty of booze, rich boys, all the best things in the world._

 _Ugh, James has just informed me that he's about to send along a proper invitation, so this whole letter was for naught, but sod it, I'm not going to rewrite the first half._

 _See you soon! xx_

Lily shook her head and chuckled at her friend's signature erratic handwriting, then made a mental note to tell her that witchy threats against Petunia would only earn her a stern scolding from her mum, which would please Petunia all too much. She'd normally write back immediately, but the thick deep purple envelope with her name in beautiful gold cursive on the front had captured her full attention.

She opened that one much more carefully than she did Marlene's, and pulled the heavy card out. It was ivory and Lily snorted, thinking of how much Petunia would appreciate it if only it weren't magic. The details on the card were all written in the same swirling gold font as the envelope.

 _Dear Miss Lily Evans,_

 _Your presence is requested at the Potter Estate on the 24th of August 1977 for a Back to School Ball in celebration of your and your classmates' final year at Hogwarts. Formal dress robes are required and dinner will be served. Please fill out and return the enclosed RSVP card by no later than the 15th of August._

 _We eagerly await your reply and hope to see you soon._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Fleamont and Euphemia Potter_

Lily found the second card inside — it simply asked whether or not she was coming and if she'd prefer chicken, fish, or vegetarian. She set both of those aside delicately, not wanting to crumple any part of the invitation, then moved to the next letter in the stack.

 _Dear Miss Lily Evans,_ it began in a hastily written scrawl that Lily recognized immediately at James', _I think I'm going to start addressing you that way every time you walk into the common room. Remus will play a fanfare on the trumpet, Sirius and Peter will bow, we can make a right production out of it if you'd like… though something tells me you'd probably just give me the finger and walk away._

 _Honestly I'm just writing this letter to promise you my parents aren't nearly as uptight as they seem in that invitation and if you don't come to the party, I might die. But no pressure. If you'd prefer to sit in your room and practice your already perfect charm work I suppose that's a respectable alternative to getting drunk with your friends._

 _James_

 _ps. make sure you open that letter from Hogwarts. Dumbledore's gone absolutely mad, but I'm not complaining._

Lily folded that letter up and put it with the invitation. After a whole year, it was still odd sometimes to see the word "friend" next to James's name. Perhaps someday she'd be used to it. She had no clue what James was talking about regarding Dumbledore, but she noticed the familiar Hogwarts crest on the letter that was now sitting on the top of the pile.

Her chest tightened. There was no reason for her to have a letter from Hogwarts this late in the summer. She'd already gotten her list of mandatory school supplies almost a month ago. The only letters they'd send out now were for expulsion, which was highly unlikely, or…

She tore open the envelope and scanned the letter, only really reading every few words.

… _delighted to inform you… selected… Head Girl… congratulations…_

Lily squealed in excitement. Head Girl! It actually happened! She knew she was in the running, but she hadn't dared let herself expect to actually get it. Still, that didn't explain James' comment — he was the one who told her she was practically a shoe in.

She opened the letter back up and read it more calmly this time. The first paragraph sent another flurry of excitement running through her. Then she made it to the second paragraph, which she hadn't even spared a glance at.

 _When you arrive at the Hogwarts Express please head to the front compartment where you will greet the Prefects and brief them on their duties once you arrive at the castle. You will be joined by this year's Head Boy, James Potter._

 _Congratulations again (And though I must maintain my impartiality, I am quite pleased with Gryffindor House),_

 _Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress_

James Potter? James Potter was chosen as Head Boy? Dumbledore _had_ gone absolutely mad. Lily couldn't begin to imagine what was running through the Headmaster's mind when he elected Prank-Master, Recently-Reformed-Juvenile-Delinquent _James Potter_ as Head Boy. It was insane. It was ludicrous. It was… a relief.

She'd had no clue, to be perfectly honest, who Head Boy was going to be. It was an irrational fear considering how deeply entrenched in the Dark Arts he'd become since ending their friendship, but Lily had harbored a tiny fear that she would become Head Girl only to discover Snape had been appointed Head Boy. Dumbledore may have practiced impartiality but he surely couldn't give that much control to someone openly prejudiced against a large percentage of the school. Still, that nagging little voice in the back of her head had taunted her all summer.

But the rest of the prefects in her year had been equal contenders. Benjy Fenwick from Ravenclaw was gentle in both speech and behavior. She could easily imagine him ushering First Years through the castle, though he was less likely to be able to command attention during a Prefect meeting. Oliver Watson in Hufflepuff was efficient and detail-oriented, though he had a habit to spend more time snogging his girlfriend in the corridors than he did actually doing rounds. And Remus was everything a Head Boy should be — patient, firm, organized, and approachable — but his full-moon illnesses kept him from being quite as dependable as necessary. She had figured out his secret long ago — between his tell-tale disappearances, his constant cycle of declining health and recovery, and her overhearing James referring to a "furry little problem" on more than one occasion, it hadn't been hard to suss out. Of course, nobody else knew she knew. If Remus ever wanted to tell her, or anyone else, that was entirely his decision.

So perhaps, all things considered, James was just as fair a choice as the others. He'd led Gryffindor's Quidditch team to victory two years in a row now, he was among the top students in every class, and he had an innate way of getting people to listen to him when he spoke. And she knew she got along with him, so they weren't likely to clash too serious of a way in meetings.

Lily tried to imagine bossing around a bunch of other students with Potter as her backup. It was too ridiculous an image to even conjure, but she supposed soon enough it would be a reality.

The sound of a door slamming shut pulled Lily back to the present. She could hear her mum faintly calling Petunia's name. Lily couldn't go tell her the good news now or else Petunia'd accuse her of trying to steal attention away from her from now until kingdom come. So instead she opened the next and final letter in the stack.

 _Lily! If you've opened these in the proper order you've heard about the Ball and you've officially been appointed Head Girl! Cheers! We're all writing these at the same time so I assure you any off-the-cuff remarks from Marlene were explicitly planned ahead of time. I thought we shouldn't bother with any of this synchronized nonsense, but the boys insisted we do it exactly this way to "add to the drama of it all." Though I'm not entirely sure how they managed to intercept the owl from Hogwarts that was on it's way to you. Then again, I'm not entirely sure how they manage to do most of the things they get away with._

 _Any way, I'll keep this short since you probably just want to spend your time playing dress-up with your shiny new badge. You're coming on a shopping trip with me and Marlene next week, no ifs ands or buts about it. I'm sure your mum will understand you leaving for a day or two._

 _See you very soon,_

 _Alice_

Next week. She'd be out of this house and back with her friends in one week. And then the week after that, the Ball…

Lily grabbed the RSVP card and filled it out. She'd have to wait a few extra days to let Athena recover before she could return it, but in the meantime, there _was_ a shiny new badge just waiting to be tried on.

The last twenty-nine days of summer hols were starting to look up.


	2. Back to Diagon Alley

The week had dragged on, following the same pattern the rest of the summer had. Lily had done her best to avoid any confrontation or anything that would put a damper on her good mood.

Her mum had ooh-ed and ahh-ed over her Head Girl badge while Petunia scowled in the corner, as expected. Other than that, Lily's week consisted mostly of daydreaming about seeing her friends again.

The long-awaited day finally came and Lily threw on her favorite yellow and white sundress, quickly ran a comb through her hair and Apparated to the Leaky Cauldron where her friends were waiting.

Lily popped into Diagon Alley, almost losing her balance on the uneven cobblestone ground. She looked around at the familiar, bustling thoroughfare and it was all she could do to keep from jumping up and down. She closed her eyes and inhaled the familiar scents and sounds of the world she had become immersed in over the past six years — the clack of boot heels, the faint scent of smoke from an extinguished lantern, the sour tinge of beer seeping out of the pub. Every time she came here, every time she did this, she felt like she was eleven years old again, encountering a strange environment to which she somehow felt she had always belonged. This place was no longer strange to her, but after so many weeks away, she felt more than ever that this was where she belonged.

A familiar shriek pulled Lily out of her reverie, and she turned just in time to see a mess of curly, golden-blonde hair flying at her before Marlene nearly tackled her in a hug.

"Finally! Thought you'd never show. Though, of course, I knew you would eventually since you'd never abandon your friends and leave them flat on their arses like that it's just not who you are," Marlene babbled, as she had a tendency to do whenever she was excited.

"Merlin's beard, Marlene," Alice shook her head as she joined the other two in the hug. "Haven't heard you like this since that time we found a book on male anatomy in Second Year."

"Oh don't act like you aren't excited to see her too."

"Obviously I am. I just happen to know how to keep my composure."

Once they had all thoroughly smothered each other, Lily pulled back to get a better look at her friends. Marlene looked exactly the same, save for a few freckles dotting her nose that proved she was soaking up as much sun as she could. Alice had cut her hair again, opting for a bob that ended just below her chin. Other than the slightly-shorter hair, she looked the exact same, even down to the gum she was constantly chewing.

"Come on, then," Marlene said, already making her way to the entrance of the Leaky Cauldron. "Can't start a day of shopping on an empty stomach. And of course we'll need a few pints to wash it all down."

"Just because we legally _can_ doesn't mean we _should_ , Marls," Alice scolded, walking toward the pub anyway.

Normally Lily would protest, but her happiness at seeing her friends resulted in such an amenable mood, she began to worry she'd give in to all of Marlene's ridiculous whims that day.

One slightly blurry hour later, the three girls giggled and traipsed their way out of the pub and back into the sunlight, which Lily couldn't remember being quite so bright before.

Tom the barkeep had in fact known Marlene and Alice by name and two pints of their favorite ale was sitting on the table of their favorite booth within three minutes of them getting there. It all made much more sense when Alice dropped a few too many Galleons on the table before they left.

"Frank's mum keeps loading me up with more money than I could ever possibly need," Alice had explained.

And that was why when they made it to Madam Malkin's, Alice made a beeline for the back of the store, where the most expensive dress robes were kept. Marlene followed suit, explaining that she'd been saving babysitting money all summer, and Lily went along with them, hoping that something back there would be affordable.

Lily hadn't ventured much into this portion of the shop before as most of her trips here were exclusively for new Hogwarts robes, so she had not expected such a varied array of colors, fabrics, and designs. Marlene dove into one of the racks first with an excited squeal and emerged moments later, draped in yellow silk, rich burgundy velvet, and pink chiffon. Alice was a bit more reserved in her selection process, examining each ensemble thoroughly before deciding to try on a few in different shades of blue.

Most of the Evans household's funds had been dedicated to Petunia's wedding — a fact that Lily couldn't quite resent, but which caused a pang of disappointment when she saw all the beautiful dresses she certainly couldn't afford. Still, Lily figured there must be something she could find or barter for, so she dove into one of the racks as well, selecting only a rather gaudy purple gown that was on sale.

She examined herself in the mirror, struggling to find something admirable about the dress. Its puffy sleeves looked like they were trying to smother her and the lace and beading of the bodice was too heavy and ill-fitting on her frame. The bottom of the dress fanned out into layer upon layer of stiff tulle that she doubted could fit through a normal-sized doorframe. Nevertheless, she trudged out of the dressing room in the purple nightmare at Marlene's insistence.

"Remember, it's your fault you're seeing this at all, so you'd better not laugh," Lily grumbled.

Alice, always the most diplomatic of the three, bit her lower lip, stifling a giggle.

"It's very… elaborate," she said.

"It looks like it was cursed by a bitter old maid who wants the wearer of the dress to suffer the same fate as her," Marlene said.

"I'm not entirely sure what that means," Alice frowned.

"It means she looks entirely un-shaggable."

"Blunt," Lily sighed. "But true."

"What else was there in your price range?" Alice asked, already making her way to the bargain rack.

"Hang on," Marlene called. She was eyeing Lily up and down in an almost predatory way. "I can work with this."

"Good," Alice said. "Because there really isn't anything suitable for a woman under seventy over here."

The girls bought their dresses. Alice settled on a midnight blue gown that was soft velvet with a full, elegant skirt. Marlene opted for a slim-fitting yellow silk dress that actually glistened incandescently gold in the light. And Lily bought the purple behemoth, skeptical despite Marlene's lofty claims of being able to fix it. Though it was true that Marlene had a talent for minor seamstress-ing, like patching tears in robes and subtly shortening skirts, it would take much more prowess than that to manage such a large undertaking.

By the time they left the dress shop, the sun was blazing and the alley bustling. The "perfect time for ice cream," according to Marlene. They each splurged on a double scoop of Fortescue's best and found a secluded bench where they could gossip far from prying ears.

"Frank's dead knackered from Auror training," Alice told them when Lily asked how her summer with the Longbottoms had been. "I spend most of my time with his mum. I was certain she hated me for the first month, but ol' Augusta's not all bad. She's just… the opposite of him. Plus she's got eyes like a hawk."

"No space for alone time, eh?" Marlene asked, making a suggestive gesture with her hands.

"For the millionth time, Marlene, Frank and I still haven't… engaged in that kind of _alone time_."

"Please just get on with it," Marlene whined.

"You're a virgin, too," Lily reminded her. "No use pointing fingers."

"I'm not pointing fingers! I'm trying to live vicariously. So, as I've stated before, please get on with it, Alice. One of us has got to."

Alice merely rolled her eyes and went back to her ice cream, but the slight smile on her face made Lily think perhaps Alice was hoping to "get on with it" too.

The rest of the day passed in a leisurely haze. The girls spent most of their time window shopping, though Lily did find an interesting book she figured would help her pass the time until next week. They saw a few other Hogwarts students, most of whom were a few years younger than them — though they did run into Benjy Fenwick, who seemed elated to run into people he knew. He had spent much of his summer volunteering at St. Mungo's in an effort to gain some hands-on experience as a Healer.

"It's grim business, isn't it?" he replied when Alice asked how he enjoyed it. "But I reckon there's nothing I'd rather do out of Hogwarts."

That was something Lily admired about Benjy — he was always willing to do the unpleasant tasks, the ones no one else offered to do, if it meant helping someone else. She always liked to think she would do the same, but she was better at consoling people, offering a shoulder to cry on than she was at jumping into action.

Marlene offered for Benjy to join them for the rest of the day, but as if on cue, a small eleven year old girl with the same dark hair and caramel-colored skin as him approached the group.

"Benjy," she said softly, "we've got to get a move on. You promised I'd have my wand by the end of the day."

"Everyone, this is my sister, Sophie. She's starting at Hogwarts this year," Benjy told the girls.

"Hi, Sophie, we'll be sure to say hello when we see you around the castle," Lily said.

"Hopefully you'll see me quite a lot," Sophie replied.

"She wants to be in Gryffindor. Mum's a Hufflepuff and Dad's a Slytherin so she thinks it'd be nice to have one of each in the family," Benjy explained.

"Well good luck to you," Marlene said, patting the girl on the shoulder. "Wherever you end up will be perfect for you, but I'll be cheering extra loud if you're in Gryffindor. So long as you don't challenge me for my spot on the Quidditch team," she added with a wink.

Benjy shuffled his sister off to Ollivander's and the girls went back to the Leaky Cauldron for dinner, where Lily bypassed all the savory items on the menu and went straight for dessert.

"I don't know how you could possibly want more sweets after all that ice cream," Marlene said, popping another chip into her mouth.

"And I don't know how you could possibly stomach another potato after all the chips you've eaten today," Lily replied. "And even if sugar wasn't my oldest and truest love, Petunia's got a strict no desserts policy at home in preparation for the wedding."

"As if she wasn't already awful enough," Alice shook her head and stabbed her fork into Lily's chocolate trifle.

"At least you won't have to deal with her after the wedding. She and her husband'll ride off into the sunset and leave you alone," Marlene shrugged.

Lily knew her friend meant the words as a comfort, but she couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness at the thought of her sister moving away. Ever since she'd gotten her Hogwarts letter and discovered what she was, she'd always harbored a secret fantasy of her and Petunia mending their relationship. But if Petunia was far away, starting a family and living a completely separate life, reconciliation wasn't likely to happen.

Still she plastered a smile on her face and stuck a large spoonful of trifle into her mouth.

Before the girls knew it, the sun was had nearly disappeared from the horizon and the slight chill in the wind had become more pronounced. Lily stepped into the slight chill, grateful to be feeling it for the first time in months. She'd made a habit of being home by sundown, so even though she was seventeen, an of-age witch by all accounts, there was something that felt rebellious about being in Diagon Alley at night. Of course, when she tried to explain that to Marlene and Alice, they looked at her like she was crazy, but that was only because they'd grown up in this world — nothing about it was quite as wondrous to them as it was to her.

 _How long,_ she thought to herself, _before all of this stops being interesting to me too?_ As was often the case when Lily Evans turned to introspection, she knew the answer before she'd even finished thinking the question. And the answer to this particular question was "never." She knew deep in her heart that she would be in awe with this world that she'd been thrust into until her dying breath.

And that was what made returning to Cokeworth that night even more difficult than staying in Cokeworth had been all summer. Even the smallest taste of the world she belonged to made her hungry for more, and that hunger filled her with shame when she saw her mother bent over the kitchen table.

Lily crept into the kitchen and grabbed a leftover scone before sitting down across from her mum.

"Still sorting out linen colours?" she asked.

"We're on to silverware," Georgina Evans replied with a sigh. "Petunia just can't decide which design she likes best."

"Go to bed, Mum. This'll still be here in the morning." Lily broke a piece off from her scone and held it out.

"Sorry I didn't wait for you to bake these," Mrs. Evans stuffed the bit of scone into her mouth. "Needed to take my mind off things."

She didn't need to elaborate for Lily to understand. They barely had the money for the wedding they were planning, let alone the luxurious affair Petunia actually wanted. The Dursleys — odious people though they may have been — had offered to contribute to the wedding fund, which had only made Mrs. Evans feel worse. Lily hoped that her mother knew she was doing the best she could possibly do. She hoped Petunia was assuring her of that.

"Did you find everything you needed?" Mrs. Evans asked her daughter.

Lily nodded. "Marlene's going to do some alterations to it. The kind that need a bit more than a sewing machine," she added, just to make sure her mother didn't feel personally left out of helping her.

"Well, you must let me see it when she's done," Mrs. Evans smiled. "I don't get nearly enough opportunities to see you all dressed up."

The two of them stayed in the kitchen for a bit longer, chatting about neighborhood gossip and the oppressive heat, until they both decided to call it a night.

Lily found she was more exhausted than she'd been all summer after her long day out. She snuggled into her bed and found herself fantasizing about the ball she'd be attending in just a few short days.

Perhaps, had she not been so tired and had her brain not been so muddled, it might have seemed strange to her that the last thought she had before drifting off was what James might think of her dress.


End file.
